12.18.2025

hi friends.

this is week two of being unmedicated.
not because i wanted to be brave or reckless or “raw dog life”
but because i cannot afford it right now.

i lost my job in august.
i found another one – better, even – but the benefits don’t hit the same.
and when your brain needs help to stay balanced, “not the same” feels pretty loud.

so here i am.
counting dollars.
making grocery lists that are more hope than plan.
just trying to keep my head above water while everything keeps asking for more.

i graduated college in august, too.
which was supposed to feel like relief.
but student loan payments start in march,
and sometimes it feels like i barely finish one thing
before the next weight lands on my shoulders.

having adhd and bipolar is one of the hardest things i’ve ever learned to live with.
some days i just want a quieter brain.
a more predictable one.
one that doesn’t swing or stall or burn so bright that it exhausts itself.

but-
this brain is also where my humor lives.
my creativity.
my strange little thoughts and deep feelings and soft spots.
it’s why i notice things other people don’t.
why i feel things deeply.
why i am the way i am.

i don’t know what stability looks like right now.
i don’t know how long this season lasts.
i just know i’m doing the best i can with what i have.
and that has to be enough for now.

if you’re here too –
tired, broke, unmedicated, overwhelmed, or quietly just trying –
hi.
i see you.
we’re still here. and that counts.

love you, bye.