12.31.2025

hi friends.

today would’ve been two years sober.
instead it’s 18 days. yikes.

i slipped in may, and when i picked up a drink again i thought i had it all figured out.
but of course, i didn’t.

looking back, i realize that things were actually going right because i was sober.
sobriety gave me that sweet, precious clarity that made life feel like i was winning.

once i started drinking again?
everything fell apart faster than my willpower at an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet.

it’s been a humbling ride.
you know, the kind where you’re running a marathon, and then you trip over your own feet, faceplant, and end up in a puddle of “What the fuck was I thinking?”
i also think it’s important to talk about what alcohol actually does to your body.
for me, alcohol was a crutch.
but it wasn’t a cute crutch. it was one of those old, wobbly crutches you see at the thrift store for $3 that’s been through too much.
it helped me avoid my feelings and kept me from being present in my own life.
i’d numb myself instead of feeling anything – and man, did i suffer the consequences when i finally took a step back.

i regret deciding to drink again in may, but hey. it gave me a reality check.
it reminded me of just how far i’d come.
i made it 508 days without alcohol. FIVE. HUNDRED. EIGHT.
that’s a massive win in itself.

as the new year looms, i’m ready to start again. i refuse to let this setback derail everything i’ve worked for.

so while today would’ve been two years sober, i’m choosing to focus on the 18 days.
sure they’re not as impressive – but they still count.
every sober day i stack up brings me closer to who i want to be.
even if that person is just a hot mess with a decent playlist.

i’m not here to beat myself up – regret is a waste of energy.

so here’s to 18 days sober.

love you, bye.